Monday, November 4, 2013

What I Want, What I Really, Really Want

Sitting in Adoration on Saturday, I was reflecting on the readings of the day. Psalm 23 was the response from Mass. I've read and heard that Psalm so many times, but positioned in the Mass, the response became something of a mantra.

The Lord is my shepherd there is nothing I shall want.

Yet I want. There is so much want that preoccupies my heart and mind.

I want quiet.
I want sleep.
I want joy.
I want peace.

The Lord is my shepherd there is nothing I shall want...except 

I want ALL the things.
I want simplicity.
I want a clean house.
I want to be in Italy.

The Lord is my shepherd there is nothing I shall want...but,

I want to see my dad again.
I want to lose the weight I've gained.
I want to be a better mom.
I want to be a better wife.

The Lord is my shepherd there is nothing I shall want...yet,

I want a clean house.
I want a little bigger house.
I want to feel useful.
I want to feel a sense of purpose.

And then in the midst of prayer my heart begins to shift.

The Lord is my shepherd there is nothing I shall want...apart from Him...

I want to conform my heart to His despite the piercing pain.
I want to conform my will to His despite the uphill path.
I want to empty myself of my own worries so He can fill me with His.
I want to decrease so He may increase, so when others look at me they see Jesus - His joy, His pain, His love - instead of my brokenness, my sinfulness, my selfishness. Only Him.

I want more of Jesus until I may honestly say, without reservation or condition,


The Lord is my shepherd there is nothing I shall want.






4 comments:

  1. So beautiful and very true...good reminder for us all!!

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  2. Ah, Rakhi, what a perfect post! How very human the desires, and what a relief that God can change our hearts!

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    1. Thanks, Anna. Isn't that the truth? How much time we spend spinning our wheels trying to change His heart and will when we would be so much happier if we just let him change our hearts instead. As a priest once told me, we will struggle until our death, but hopefully the struggle lessens. :)

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