Tomorrow morning, you will be turning one. I wish I could say I remember what I was feeling this night last year beyond anticipation and a little nervousness that I'd voluntarily be entering the OR. The truth is that this last year has been a blur. I can't believe we are already facing your first birthday.
You, sweet boy, are my "tiny" baby that made everyone laugh at me when I referred to you in the hospital as tiny. My 7 pound baby who looked so little to me after your nearly 10 pound sister. You were apparently a perfectly standard size. In my eyes, there are moments where you are still my tiny baby.
Then I blink and you are talking and laughing and walking and eating pancakes. My tiny baby boy. You have given us such joy...pure joy. Your sister is my heart - she is full of emotion as you will learn. You, you are my joy. My easygoing, smiling, light of my life joy. That twinkle in your eye that is sure to be the light of Christ - you light up our world.
Sure, right now you are exploring and getting into everything. All is as it should be, even when we are frustrated. Baby boy, you are so smart that you constantly keep us on our toes. Though you don't have many words yet, you are a mover and shaker. You love cars and trucks and building and taking apart things. You are so very proud when you figure out how something works! Those moments I see your engineer of a grandpa in you, whose name you bear.
You flash that 8-toothy grin and clap clap clap when you're so proud. We are proud of you too. It is so fun to watch you discover and learn. Let me remind you, though, my tiny baby boy, that we are proud of you and love you because you are, not because of anything you do. You are growing so fast, I want to try to remember all your big moments, and little ones too. At the end of the day, though, they don't matter. You are and always will be my tiny baby boy, no matter how tall you are getting or how little you want to sit still. I miss the days of long snuggles with you, but then you put your sleepy head on my shoulder or snuggle up on my arm, and I see my sweet, tiny baby boy.
You will forever be my tiny baby boy, though I will try not to tell your friends that when you are older. You have taught me to love and show me how to be constant in joy even if I haven't quite learned it yet. I hope you will be patient with your slow to learn mama.
Keep growing. Keep wondering. Keep loving. Every day we cherish watching you and loving you, even on those weariest of days. Happy birthday, baby boy. May you always feel our love and the friendship of Jesus in your life.
Hugs and kisses,