It has taken me many a moon to develop into the cool, calm, sophisticated, got-it-together woman I am today. For those who regularly read my blog, please stop laughing.
I know, I'm still a work in progress, but I have come a long way. While others fret gaining a few notches on the old age belt, I have to say my thirties have been the best years of my life, and I am wholeheartedly looking forward to my forties. My teens were not so kind to me. Yes, everyone has their own drama in those angst ridden years, and I certainly was not without friends or enjoyment during that time. However, as I think back to those years, I would definitely not characterize them as the "good old days." It seems The Narddog's (Andy Bernard of The Office) quote, "I wish there was a way to know you were in the good old days while you're actually in them" has gone viral, and I'm the only one who is thinking..."eh." I am really enjoying the here and now, and looking forward to the years to come.
Except that it isn't. My blood pressure rises, my heart starts to pound, and my palms start to sweat when I think about this reunion. It doesn't help that my class(es) are full of rockstars and rocket scientists. Seriously. My friend Michael works for NASA. Our valedictorian from my actual graduating class is a successful director in Hollywood. Lisa was the brains behind the popular Budweiser commercial for this year's Super Bowl. Jill is a blogger extraordinaire. The list really goes on and on, while I sit here drinking coffee and wondering what I'll make for dinner.
That's what it comes down to isn't it? Aside from the wonderment of what I might actually talk to my former classmates about, it really comes down to what will they think of me? What has become of the nerdy gal so many liked to pick on or ignore? It's those things that fill my mind, because obviously the negative is easier to gravitate toward and assume. I remember when I first started seeing them on Facebook, I would see pictures and wonder if we went to the same school. So much of high school just didn't apply to me - and so much of it I seem to have blocked out of my memory.
This, of course, does no credit to those who were and are still my friends. I had a wonderful group of people that helped me make it through those trying years. I still remember making egg rolls in Atheena's kitchen, debate trips with the gang, movie nights, game nights, just hanging out and doing nothing nights. It is just a different world than so many of my classmates enjoyed. And it seems like the senior year I didn't stay for cemented friendships in a way I didn't allow. So, I guess I wonder where this all leaves me as I consider returning to the scene. What did I do with my life and all the potential that laid ahead? How do I measure up, and what measure am I using? Isn't that the struggle we all face to some extent?
So, will we go? Probably. Will I still have butterflies in my stomach the whole time. Oh, heck yeah! Real life reunions are a heaping handful different than hanging on Facebook, after all. At the end of the day, though, I'm not so much the Narddog as I am a little bit Pam Beesly Halpert. "There's a lot of beauty in ordinary things. Isn't that the point?"